Implementing Emotional Intelligence for Effective Communication and Trust

Welcome back. Certainly, my hope is that you scored very high in all 18 of those, but if we're going to be realistic and honest, there are probably a few of those items in the self-assessment that we know that we could work on. And I want you to be thinking about that as we move forward throughout the rest of the module, because now what we have to do is to take what we know about EI and start considering how we are going to implement EI. How are we going to take it into action? So, as we take a look at that, we certainly are going to contend that your high emotional intelligence is going to be what makes you a great communicator.

And because when you're really high in that EI, because your verbal skills are high, your non-verbal skills are high, you're able to listen with empathy, you have the intuition to understand just when to move into the conversation and actually speak. And then when you speak, your words matter because you are really skilled in having what we call emotionally intelligent conversations. Now there are three key elements to an emotionally intelligent conversation.

I don't think you'll be surprised by these. The first one is intentionality. What does that mean? It means that you can talk about something that's informational or sensible or pleasant or non-offensive, that you're able to have conversations that actually might seem superficial, but they are great segues to building a trusting relationship.

So as I seek more information about how someone thinks or what's most important to them in their life or what they value most highly, those are conversations that provide me with information, and they are sensible, they're pleasant, they're non-offensive. I think of them as me trying to get to know you better without digging too deep, for sure. But that's not enough.

We also have to have a focus in these conversations. And what that means is that I give my undivided attention to the other person. Why do I want to do that? Well, it puts them at ease, and it encourages them to have a free flow of ideas.

So when people feel comfortable around you, they're more likely to share information with you. When you're focused, your attention is on the other person's non-verbals as well as their verbals. So yes, they're saying words, but what's the tone really implying? What's her body language saying at the same time? Another way to say this is you're a good company.

People enjoy conversing with you. They feel safe. They feel that you use empathy appropriately and that you are truly interested in them.

Conveying trust is key to all this, is it not? When you're trusted, your communication skills lower barriers. And your communication skills, again, when you're trusted, provide a way, a segue, if you will, to resolve differences. Because ultimately, we're probably going to find somewhere along in these relationships that we have some differences.

And these differences may have arisen due to gaps in communication. There may be real differences. They may be around seeing the world differently or seeing the issue differently.

But again, those are more likely to be resolved when in this relationship that, let's say, I've been building with you, I've been earning your trust. Here's the problem. If you look at what happens when there's a lack of trust, a really huge number here.

48% of work hours are unproductive out there. And you may be experiencing that yourself due to a lack of trust. I'll say it again.

48% of our work hours are unproductive due to a lack of trust. Well, that's downright scary to me and scary to me as a leader. And so my question is, how can I make these conversations more emotionally intelligent that build trust? I think that's our key question.

What are the ways that we do that then? Well, here you're going to see 10 tips. Now, these come from Dr. Maynard Brussman, who happens to also be an authority on emotional intelligence. And he gives us guidance as to what an emotionally intelligent conversation should include.

Now, as you're looking at these, you're going to see that a lot of these center around, let's say, me making a request of you to change your behavior in some way or to change your response in some way. And honestly, those are some of the more challenging kinds of conversations that we do have in the workplace. And so I think you will see the very quick application of these 10 tips to that kind of conversation.

And what Dr. Brussman says, first of all, have your conversation face-to-face and eliminate the distractions. And your first response might be, Debbie, we're not even face-to-face as we're doing this course. Well, no, we're not.

Let's pretend we have to do it using a platform, Zoom, MS Teams, Adobe Connect, or whatever else you're using. Have that camera on. Have that camera on unless security prevents you from doing so, because then in that conversation, I can certainly hear what you're saying, but I can also see your nonverbals.

And those are very, very important for me to be able to understand the depth of concern that you might have or your reaction to what I'm saying. Both are really key in these conversations. Clarify your intentions.

What I like to do if I'm going to have one of these kinds of conversations where I'm asking someone for a change in behavior or conduct, performance, I like to remind them why I'm making the request. And it's a good check on me. I'm making the request because I want to help them be the best version of themselves when they come to work.

If my intention is to just get it off my chest, Debbie, that's probably not a good reason to do that. If I can in some way say, yes, I want to have this conversation because it will help them become more mature at work, more professional at work, develop another skill that's going to be useful to them at work, or correct a behavior that's getting in the way of their productivity. My intention is to help them become a better version.

You do want to prepare when you have these conversations. So what might be your opening statement? Well, it might be just as I suggested. And I might start it by saying, I hope you know me as a colleague who really cares about each and every person that I work with.

And because I care, and because I can see something that's happening with you that's not at your best, I'd like to share what I'm seeing. And maybe we can talk about some things that you could do to improve that. I do have to name the issue.

I can't just say, well, there's something out there that you're not doing very well. No. Maybe that something was that we were in a meeting together, and both of us were presenting in that meeting as colleagues.

And I thought we had a game plan in that meeting for how we would present. And we were presenting to upper management. And you happened to interrupt me and correct me in front of management.

Well, the issue is that when we're in the meeting, even though we had agreed to coordinate and support one another in that meeting, there were three instances where you interrupted and corrected me when I was presenting to management. That was the issue. Select a specific example.

And I can say, specifically, when we were talking about, I have to have an example. Otherwise, it's not going to hold up. Number six: Describe your emotions around the issue.

Now, there is a conversation about whether you always have to do that. And I happen to have a personal feeling about it that I have. I don't know that I always have to describe my emotions. But I do have to be specific about the example.

And I have to make sure why I am sharing this information. Otherwise, I shouldn't be. Sometimes I will say, I was disappointed that that happened in the meeting.

Or I might say, if I'm going to be honest here, I was, yeah, I was angry. I don't know if it's required of me. Unless I can see that they're not getting it at all.

And then I can say, again, this is my personal approach to this. I could say, well, I think you're not hearing how critical this was to me and how upset I was. I was upset because I felt like you threw me under the bus.

Notice, though, I'm not going to say, and I'm emotional about it because. If I'm going to describe my emotions, I'm going to do it in a very neutralized approach without a lot of judgment. Clarify what is at stake? Well, if none of this matters, then why am I talking about it? But if what matters is that it's going to affect our working relationship, what matters is that productivity is affected.

What matters is that people will not see you as professional as you want to be. Well, something's got to be at stake, or I don't have a reason to talk about it. Number eight, and this is very high EI-ish, identify the ways in which you contributed to the problem.

I might say, for example, this has been going on for quite a few weeks, and I, for whatever reason, have chosen not to speak about it. And I apologize that I did not speak about it sooner because it probably would have been an easier conversation for both of us. Desire, number nine, your wish to resolve the issue.

I'm sure that as we work on this together, it will bring greater satisfaction to how we're collaborating, that we will be more invested in the results, and that we will be able to do higher-level problem-solving. In this, I could sound like a talking head. That's not what we want.

In, with, and through this whole conversation, let's let the other person speak. Let them share their point of view, how they perceive the situation. They may have a completely different take on it than you do.

And that's important to have a conversation around if you're really going to come up with a solution that's going to satisfy both parties. So, yes, in, with, and through this conversation, let them speak because you never know what they're going to say and what they're going to share. And because we listen with focus and intentionality, we're going to pick up on that.

And maybe we see things completely differently. Maybe we see things very similarly, but the person with high EI is going to be able to work with either one. So, you know, we have to put this into practice.

And what you're going to see in exercise 2.3 are three case studies. And these case studies are in your participant guide. And what I would like you to do is certainly refer back to those 10 tips that I just shared with you.

Read the case study and design an emotionally intelligent approach to these difficult conversations. As you're designing your approach, I think it's reasonable to assume you might get pushback in reality from the colleague you're speaking to. And so, how are you going to prepare to answer any pushback that might occur? If you don't get any, that's great.

You were prepared for it. And also remind yourself, and again factor in if your own emotions are going to get in the way. If the conversation isn't moving exactly as pretty as you'd like it.

Ultimately, as if we were engaging these particular conversations, we would want to celebrate our successes along the way. And certainly taking a look at what worked and what didn't work. So we know for the next time.

So what are the cases? The first one is going to be about working with a colleague and Joseph. And you are on a six-month project together, and Joseph is a certified know-it-all. Yeah, lovely.

And you've already observed his unwillingness to give and take. He expressed his experience. And you watch him make independent decisions that could affect the final product.

Oh, what kind of conversation are you going to have with Joseph? That's number one. Number two, this one I think is challenging because you're now having to engage in a difficult conversation with your manager. And your manager, Monifa, in number two, is highly competent, but she's not really good at those soft skills.

And you're more than willing to receive constructive feedback because you are highly emotionally intelligent. You find yourself resisting Monifa's feedback because of her delivery. And she uses an arrogant and condescending tone, speaks in generalities like you always, and ultimately leaves you wondering exactly what you're supposed to fix.

Hmm, so how are you going to have this conversation? How are you going to design it? The third one is about a coaching situation. You've been able to coach a new employee in the agency. You see a lot of potential in Omri's ability to grasp new technical information.

He has a high desire to learn. He's saying good things, but he doesn't seem to want to build any strong relationships with his peers. And you've kind of casually mentioned to them, this to him in the past, and his response, you know what? I'm not here to build relationships.

I'm here to learn as much as I can, as fast as I can. And then I'm moving on. Hmm, given what you know about EI, you're concerned his attitude could actually hold him back.

Okay, how are you going to design this conversation? Take some time to do this. And again, really rely on the tips and what you know about EI to create your responses.