Building Strong Relationships Through Social Awareness and Empathy

Now, we need the second component in emotional intelligence, and this is about building good relationships. This is going to be more social. So, the first component is more personal.

Now, this is interactive. It's social. How do we work with those people around us? Well, as you take a look at it, it starts with social awareness, and it says that you accurately perceive what other people are thinking and feeling.

So, it's like you have a little bit of an extra radar that says, they're not saying they're angry, but I can pretty much tell in the tone of their voice or in their body language that they're angry. I'm picking up on the signals, whether stated or unstated. The way that Goldman speaks about social awareness is that he uses the word empathy, and he is clear that empathy doesn't mean taking on everybody else's emotional burdens and trying to please everyone.

That's not what it's all about, but empathy means really thoughtfully considering your colleagues' feelings and certainly other factors as well in making intelligent decisions. Now, we also know that when other people are expressing emotions, the person with high EI doesn't get caught up in their own emotions. It's kind of on them to keep a lookout.

You might say, okay, I'm getting a little frustrated here, but I'm going to put that to the side so I can focus and absorb the critical information that's really being shared here and then try to figure out what to do with it. And so, again, we're not saying don't ever feel, we're just saying don't let your feelings guide your reactions and your decision-making. We know that leading a team, let's say, can sometimes be a hotbed of emotions, and that's especially true when a group is charged with reaching a consensus.

And so, consider the role that you play in this social awareness piece is that you're able to sense and understand the viewpoints of everyone sitting in that discussion. As we continue and it says you use the critical elements of listening and observing to contribute as an astutely aware participant in the conversation. Well, another way to say that is you stay present in the conversations.

You're there. You're not floating off into the distance and returning when you feel like it. You are present, actively present in the conversation.

And so, it wouldn't surprise you then that social awareness is also going to help you when you're coaching and mentoring. And those pay off in higher performance, increased job satisfaction with the people around you. Uh, what makes coaching and mentoring work best? And again, we'll talk about this a little bit later.

It's that EI person can sense how to give feedback, know when to push for performance, and demonstrate empathy in action. All right. Now, we can be aware and still not manage the relationships very well.

We have to add this fourth component to our EI again. So, what this is now saying is that as you use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others, you use that to manage relationships successfully. Without undervaluing what we're saying here, think of it as friendliness with a purpose.

Now, I'm not suggesting you walk around and go, I'm going to be friends with everybody, I'm going to be the best person you ever had. No, it's about intentionality and building enough rapport in relationships that it can create an atmosphere of safety and trust. And, you know, that empathy is also to come into play.

And so, yeah, it's a friendliness in those relationships that you are working towards so that you can help people move forward. That's what leaders do. You are probably going to have a high network of associates because people gravitate toward those with high EI.

And in that, you can build solid bonds with people over time. Not just for the moment, but over time. And you earn a reputation for your ability to invest highly in relationships that bring value to everyone involved.

And that emphasizes the last bullet here, which is, you really seek the benefits from every relationship, especially the challenging ones. You don't just pick and choose, well, I like this one over here, but not this one over here. Now, the question for an EI leader is, how can I find benefit in every relationship that I have to interact with as I lead? Benefits to the person who is my follower and benefits to me as a leader in return.

So, we know that the ability to manage teams, let's say, is much higher for those who are very adept at managing relationships. Why? Because teams have team dynamics that we have to work through. Expert persuaders.

Why? Because you're in tune with what's most important to those people around you, because you've gotten to know them through the relationships, and you know what they need and want. And you also would know when to make an emotional plea that's based on substance, that you're not just asking people to bleed their hearts out all the time, but that you can, in fact, make a good case by tugging on their emotions, and maybe it's emotions about themselves that will get them to move forward with you. So, is the ability to manage relationships a key capability? Well, sure it is.

And just think for a moment. Just pause for a moment and think about how a workplace would actually look if every single employee staff member took on the responsibility of building and maintaining quality relationships. If every employee worked toward higher EI, if every employee invested in both the personal and the social competence that EI requires, wouldn't that be an amazing workplace? Well, let you be the forerunner in this.

And so, look, we will be talking a bit more about what will work in action. I think it's time for us to take a pause. I've been sharing a fair amount of information with you about what EI is all about, and you're probably sitting there going, Well, how do I know if I have a high EI or not? And honestly, there are all different types of EI assessments out in the world.

The one I took a few years ago gave me a 39-page report on my EI and, you know, a whole host of components. I don't think we have to get quite that complicated here, but that's something you could pursue if you wanted to go beyond what we're doing here. But for now, you're going to see that in your Participant Guide, there is a self-assessment that has 18 statements.

And when you are reading those statements, think in terms of how you react and respond at work. And you're going to give yourself a score. Number one, or a score of one, is not at all like me, and five is going to be exactly like me.

And go ahead and score yourself. And then as you go back through and look at which ones you were much stronger in, those fives, and maybe which ones were more like threes. Were there any that were a little bit lower than that? Based on your analysis of what you see in your scores, which is your strongest component out of the four that we just shared? And which components do you want to focus on improving? And why? You know, you have to see a reason why or you won't do it.

And how are you going to go about doing that? I'll give you some minutes to work on that and to draw your analysis of yourself.