Mastering Communication: The Art of Speaking and Listening

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines communication as a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of signs or behavior. And communication is just a fundamental aspect of human interaction, right? First of all, I have not found any job that we do that does not involve someone else, right? So we have to interact with other people to do our jobs, and we have to be able to communicate with them. And this is, communication is the method by which we convey our thoughts, emotions, and knowledge to other people, as well as, you know, we're going to talk about active listening as part of communication.

So it's how we receive thoughts, emotions, and knowledge as well. When we think of communication, we're often thinking about spoken words. What are the words that I am using when I am trying to communicate something to someone else? So, for instance, as a leader, I may need to communicate what my expectations are of the people that I'm leading.

So that's our spoken word, but we can also convey that information using the written word. And currently, that's likely in an email or a Teams message, or a text message. So, you know, what are the words that we're going to use? What is the order in which we're going to use those words? Body language is another important aspect of communication.

It is more of a visual aspect of how we communicate. So I am saying words, but my body language may or may not be in alignment with what I'm saying, or my body language may indicate something more than the message that I'm giving. So I could be talking about, yeah, I'm really excited about this, but you could see through my body language that maybe I'm a little hunched over.

Maybe I'm looking tired, for instance. So body language is important. We need to understand how it impacts how we communicate with others, and that we need to read the body language in other people to fully understand what they're trying to communicate.

And when we think about body language, we can be thinking about things like gestures. So I naturally communicate through gesturing, which you can't see because I'm doing it below the camera, because the thing about gestures is that sometimes they can be very distracting. So, they can also be very helpful in communicating.

So we want to be aware of our gesturing and read the gestures that other people choose to use. We also want to consider our facial expression. So we don't want to have a poker face where people can't read our emotions at all.

But we do want to be careful and thoughtful about what we may be conveying through our facial expressions. Spoken words, the words that we're using, are important, but even the tone of our voice can indicate or communicate something. So I can assure you, when I use my mom voice, that tone of voice is communicating more than just the words that I'm actually saying.

So the tone of voice is important. And another aspect of communication is eye contact. And that kind of more is in alignment with the act of listening, right? Eye contact is important.

It shows people that you are interested in what they are communicating to you. So some people find it interesting that active listening is considered a part of communication, but it is. It is the mental and physical efforts that we take to receive a message from someone else.

And one of the key difficulties or challenges in being a good active listener is that there is something called the thought-speech differential. And what the thought-speech differential is, is the fact that you can think faster than I can say something to you. So if you've ever been in a conversation where someone is talking, and maybe they're repeating themselves or they're sort of talking on and on and on, and your mind sort of starts to wander, that can be because your brain is going faster than what the words are that they're trying to get out.

And the challenge with the thought-speech differential is that if we don't really connect back to what the person's saying and focus on that, we can start thinking about other things. And some of those other things could include how we're going to respond to them, which means we're not actually listening to them anymore, or something totally different like, you know, what you're going to have for dinner. And that also means that you're no longer actively listening to them.

So understanding that thought-speech differential and being very mindful going into a conversation that, okay, I need to remember if my mind starts to wander, I need to come back and make sure that I stay focused, really focused on being able to receive the message from the other person. So good listeners redirect their attention when they begin to get distracted, when they realize that they're starting to veer away from really listening to what a person is saying. There are some verbal cues that we use when we are actively listening to someone.

So we may use the noises to encourage the speaker to, you know, let them know that we're interested, that we're paying attention. We can also ask questions. Oh, okay.

So I heard you say that. Could you explain a little bit more about that specific issue that happened? And a really great verbal cue that you're actively listening and that you're actually trying to really understand what someone's saying is to repeat what was heard. What I heard you say is this.

Is that correct? For instance. But there are also some key physical cues that go with active listening. And one of them is sustained eye contact.

So I, even in video calls or in this video, for instance, I keep my eyes or try to keep my eyes trained on the camera. I am giving the appearance of making eye contact. And that is really important when we are in person with people and when we are even on a video to maintain that eye contact.

That is a very obvious physical cue that we are paying attention. And it's particularly important now because a lot of times people are multitasking or they're looking at their phone or they're looking at their computer. But the only way to really cue to someone that you're actively listening is by maintaining eye contact.

Nodding of the head is another physical cue. Sometimes you might notice that someone is speaking, and the person listening might lean forward towards them. That is a physical cue that you're listening, as is just having open body language, not sort of blocking yourself off or turning away from the person that's doing the speaking.

And one thing that's really important about active listening that I don't think we talk about enough is that when we take the time to actively listen to someone, it makes them feel good. It makes them feel valued. It makes them feel respected.

It can also be a great way to establish rapport or to establish trust with another person.